CT Scan Update

Last week I had another CT Scan followed by my fifth round of chemotherapy.  My scan showed continued progress in the effort to reduce the masses....and my oncologist continues to be thrilled with my improvement.

Initially it was suggested that I would undergo 4 to possibly 6 rounds of chemo, but due to my progress and my ability to tolerate the high-dose chemo combination - I am now looking at possibly 8 rounds.  I have to admit, I was initially disheartened by the news only because going through chemotherapy is extremely difficult...physically, emotionally and mentally.  Despite my positive attitude, chemo weeks are trying and I have been known to have an occasional pity-party.  I quickly realized I just need to take it a day at a time and see this as a gift (for myself, my precious boys and my family).  I realize I am extremely fortunate...as most people aren't as tolerant as I have proven to be under this chemo combination.  I believe it has a little to do with my beautiful boys, having hope and faith, and the outpouring love from so many family and friends.  Thank you for continuing to keep me in your thoughts.

Today I was reminiscing and thinking of the little things I miss:

• smelling my freshly shampooed hair (I complimented a lady in a store the other day because her hair smelled so good....she probably thought I was crazy but it made me long for mine).
• being able to twirl my long curls when I am sleepy or anxious (however I have been caught doing it with my wig a time or two).
• wishing I wasn't viewed as someone who is "sick" when sporting my scarves....it is difficult being stared at in public but I am getting used to it more and more.  Cancer certainly has made me more aware and more empathetic towards others.

Now that round 5 is complete, I am off for two whole weeks.  I am counting down the days until we (my parents, the boys, Kevin and myself) leave for a peaceful and relaxing trip to Kauai, Hawaii.  This was initially suppose to be my "light at the end of the chemo road" retreat...but now due to more rounds on the horizon, I guess another trip will be in the works after round 8!  :)  Looking forward to spending 10 days on my favorite tropical island...cherishing the beautiful scenery, creating memories with my family, relaxing and celebrating our time together, and just being full of peace, love and happiness.

Kauai - my upcoming paradise retreat

Living Frame of Mind....Landscaping

While being in my "living frame of mind"....my parents were gracious enough to help me with some landscaping in our backyard over the weekend (ie. my lovely birthday gift from them was a trip to the nursery).  We spent 6 hours digging, planting and transplanting on a day when it was around 95 degrees.  Despite being a sweaty filthy mess, the end result was worth it.  I now have a backyard that is peaceful and relaxing....and something that I will enjoy looking at everyday when the boys are playing outside.

I celebrated my 39th birthday on Thursday.  It is hard to believe I am "almost forty".  My parents came up to celebrate with us....and we spent the day simply enjoying being together.  Cancer makes you aware even more that the little things in life are what truly matter.  I cherished every minute being with my family and I look forward to many more birthdays with them!

Peace, Love and Miracles

Round 4 complete

My apologies for the lack of updates lately...in a nutshell, I just finished my fourth infusion last week.  This past round took a toll on me a bit longer, but I am finally beginning to feel somewhat back to normal.  Prior to my next round (in two weeks) I will have another CT-scan to see the results from the last two chemotherapy rounds.  Keeping my fingers crossed for more positive results.

On a different note, many people have inquired about my prognosis with having stage IV cancer...so I wanted to address the elephant in the room.  For starters,  stage IV cancer simply means the cancer has spread to another organ(s):  in my case that is the liver and gall bladder with an unknown primary.  While one oncologist gave me "3 to 5 years" to live, the other oncologist never gave me a prognosis (he was also the same one who said from the beginning that I “would perform beautifully”).  He doesn't believe in statistics when it comes to cancer and I have to say....I am truly grateful for that ray of sunshine.  If your doctor pronounces a death sentence, how else can you have hope?  Many view a cancer prognosis as a "challenge or a death sentence"….I am clearly taking on this new journey in my life as a challenge.   

"In the face of uncertainty, there is nothing wrong with hope.  False hope is an oxymoron.  There can be false expectations, but hope is real.  It’s not about statistics; hope is necessary for survival."

In less than three months, I have truly realized just how important it is to stay in a living frame of mind.  It continues to move me forward, keep me searching, keep me strong, and keep me believing that it is possible to live.

Here’s to hope…and believing in miracles.