My Angels

"Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly"

I have been blessed with amazing angels along this journey of mine.  I am extremely grateful for all of the love that surrounds me.  Just a little thank you to my recent angels:

• Karen, Betsy and Jen:  for surprising me while I was in the hospital last week.  It was so nice to "forget" about my health issues and just enjoy dinner and your friendship.

• Jennifer:  one of my very first childhood girlfriends....thank you so much for the wonderful care package last week!  You know neither one of us can ever get tired of the "Bridesmaids" food poisoning scene.  I was crying from laughter once again....it is so good for the soul!

• My favorite teacher - Mrs. Wildenradt:  I was extremely touched when I received your beautiful and heartfelt card/note.  It made my day and certainly lifted my spirits.  (Mrs. Wildenradt was my 4th grade teacher....and the reason why I became a teacher myself)

• To the many friends and family who continue to send me thoughtful emails, facebook messages and cards...thank you for touching my heart and brightening my day.

• To the stranger who passed me on the sidewalk and said "you look real nice"....little did he know it was the first time I was going "au naturel" out in public (without sporting my security scarf).  This man's simple yet powerful compliment certainly made my insecurities dissipate.

• My favorite oncology nurse - Dinah:  for coming to my hospital room and delivering me a box of delicious cupcakes from "Sprinkles"....you have touched my life in more ways than one...you are a gift to every cancer patient you encounter and I am so grateful to have you in my life.

• To the girlfriends who have delivered weekly meals for the last 5 months on Wednesday's....I can't possibly thank you enough for your loving and extremely generous gift.

• To my little miracle boys:  they light up my life and give me a reason to live every single day.  To my little Cohen (aka: Coco) who came into my bed in the middle of the night and snuggled up next to me and kissed me on the nose.  To Zevy who thoughtfully said "don't worry about doing it today, I don't want you to get tired mommy"....this was in response to me trying to organize their new play room and get their train table set up again.

• My parents:  for your enduring love and support and for being by my side every step of the way....through the countless hours you have spent at the hospital, to helping out with the boys and for simply taking care of me...you certainly are pillars of great strength and comfort to me.  

• Kevin:  your strength, love, help, and support has made it possible for me to have the determination and attitude necessary for winning this battle. Thank you for being by my side.

• Carlina and Larry:  for the many hours you have helped us out with the boys....due to hospital appointments or simply needing a helping hand.  Thank you for all of the delicious homemade meals you have brought over when I haven't been feeling good.  Your love and support means the world to me.  Thank you so very much!

• Anthony - my favorite Interventional Medicine nurse:  I first met Anthony (a big teddy bear) five months ago when this journey first began.  He was the nurse who took care of me when I was getting my liver needle biopsy back in April.  He has an amazing gift with people and he even managed to make me laugh during one of the most stressful times in my life....it also doesn't hurt that he calls me "princess".  Not knowing I would ever see him again....a week later I delivered him a thoughtful thank you note, as well as a box of sweets from my favorite bakery in the city.  Fast forward five months, and to my delight, Anthony was with me again during the Pre-Mapping and TheraSphere procedures this past month.  I was immediately emotional when I saw he would be the one taking care of me and he responded by hugging me and quietly said "God made sure it would happen this way".  He then called several days after my procedure just to check up on me.  On a side note, during our first encounter, Anthony expressed that he was going through some of his own medical issues and expressed how fortunate I was to have such a loving and supportive family - considering he didn't have that.  Without my knowledge, my dad quietly slipped him a piece of paper with his number on it and told Anthony to call him when he was going into the hospital - so he could have someone by his side too.  Warms my heart.  Caring gestures mean so very much!  

• Beata:  to my favorite person who lives in Poland....your weekly emails are always inspiring and keep me believing that it is possible to win this battle. Thank you for caring about me so much.

• Melissa and Candace:  for bringing me hot chocolate this morning.....I truly loved being able to catch up and laugh (bedbugs stories and all)!  You both have been amazing and extremely caring friends and I am so grateful to have you in my life.

•  Sister Diane:  our wonderful neighbor who just dropped off another loaf of the most delicious homemade cinnamon bread ever!  Thank you for your continued prayers and for being such a thoughtful neighbor.

• Tressa:  to one of the sweetest and most lovable friends I am fortunate to have known for 22+ years.  Your care package certainly brought me many smiles, as well as peace and hope during this journey.  I loved the box that everything came in...just as much as every thoughtful gift that was inside!  My mom happened to be here when the package arrived and she said she was just about to purchase one of the books you had given me....great minds think alike.  I love you dearly and am so happy to call you my friend! 

• Mrs. Ault (the lovely mother of one of my favorite fifth grade students):  for sending me the most beautiful and touching message this morning and for helping me face the day with continued optimism and strength.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart!  See her message below:

"Dawn, I have to tell you that I read your post...thanking all the precious "angels" in your life....Dawn, you have been and continue to be an amazing angel to so many people.  Your strength and courage amaze me.   I just have to share...as a mom of one of your former students....you were the best!  I know that Anthony loved you!  How could he not.....you just have such a gift of making everyone feel special.   And, then when that package came in the mail many years later when Anthony was graduating from Pekin High...I honestly couldn't believe it.  You are an angel, Dawn.   And, I pray with all of my heart that everyday is going to be a good day for you and that precious family of yours....."



Thank you for the touching and beautiful gestures you have all given me...."my cup runneth over with love".

Peace, Love and Miracles

dawnbfox@hotmail.com

Therasphere Update ~ Hospital Stay

In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out.  It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being.  We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.

~Albert Schweitzer

Dr. McDreamy was just the burst of flame that I needed....he made me hopeful again (during a time when there was a lot of uncertainty and fear of the unknown path ahead) and he certainly rekindled my inner spirit.

The TheraSphere procedure went as expected on Tuesday, September 13th.  We arrived at 6:30am and by 7am I was prepped and in the operating room.  I again had to have a 6 hour recovery period where I literally had to lay flat and keep my legs straight in order to seal the puncture sight.  We finally left the hospital after being there about 9 hours.  Again, the doctor said the procedure was successful in that they were able to get to all of my tumors in the liver.  Now we are just waiting and praying that the little glass beads of radiation are doing what they were designed to do.

Over the course of the next few days I began experiencing flu-like symptoms, nausea, fatigue and I had a fever off and on...all was expected.  The doctor informed us that my fevers were indicating the radiation was killing the cancer cells, so that was a wonderful side effect to have!  That weekend my symptoms started to become worse (dehydration, severe discomfort and vomiting), so on Monday I was advised to go to the oncology floor at the hospital and get blood work and fluids through an IV.  Apparently I was extremely dehydrated and there were concerns with some of my levels being low (gathered from my blood work results)....so they decided to admit me into the hospital a block away.  This was the same hospital I gave birth to my youngest son three years ago, so it certainly brought back many wonderful memories.  I was hospitalized from Monday-Wednesday.

My mom was absolutely wonderful and stayed with me both nights while I was in the hospital...while Kevin and my dad took care of the boys.   There is just something about having your mom by your side - nursing you back to good health.  I am extremely grateful and fortunate.

On a side note, the week before Dr. McDreamy personally emailed the neuroendocrine specialist we were planning to see at Dana Farber Cancer Institute in Boston....he referred to him on a first name basis and certainly pulled some strings.  I received a phone call within a few hours from the Boston office offering to move up my appointment immediately.  It certainly is nice to have connections from time to time!  We were suppose to head to Boston last Monday, but due to being hospitalized our trip to see the neuroendocrine specialist was cancelled for the time being.  A trip out East will be in the works again once I am fully recovered from the TheraSphere procedure.

Since being released from the hospital last Wednesday, I have been ordered to rest and take it easy.  The fatigue could last anywhere from 2-4 weeks. I have noticed I can only do house work/pick up after the boys/go to the store/etc... for a maximum of 5-10 minutes before I hit a wall and am suddenly extremely fatigued and literally have to sit or lay down and regroup.  Because of this, I have pretty much been confined to the bed or the couch most of the day.  It is nothing like I have ever experienced before.  The doctor had said I would experience fatigue, but I didn't really know what that consisted of until now.  Certainly different than chemo fatigue....in my case, more debilitating.

Planning to rest as much as possible this week....in hopes of gaining my strength and energy back before we leave for a prearranged trip to DisneyWorld with the boys on Sunday.  I certainly don't want to miss out on any of the excitement from the viewpoint of the boys....they "can't wait to go to Mickey's house" and I clearly will need all of the energy possible being at Disney. 

What's next....currently we are just letting the little glass beads do their magic.  I go in for an MRI and then consult with Dr. MrDreamy on Tuesday, October 11th.  This is also when we will discuss my next step regarding my gall bladder.  So on the 11th, we will have an idea of how successful the procedure was....hoping the tumors will be gone completely.  :)

 Recovery period after the TheraSphere...it's hard to tell in the photo, but I still have a lot of hair.  It never fell out completely with the chemo treatments....in fact I have actually had to shave it 4 times since the first initial haircut.  Had I know my thick locks were going to be so stubborn, I probably would have opted for a short "Halle Berry" haircut.  In the meantime, the hair I did lose during this process is coming in full force.  The boys love feeling it and keep asking "why does it feel so fuzzy, like a caterpillar"?  

Peace, Love and Miracles!

dawnbfox@hotmail.com

 

Next step in my journey...Dr. McDreamy has arrived!

So much has happened since last week! Here is an update of what all took place....

Last Tuesday's appointments:
My PET-scan still wasn't approved....and was canceled again Wednesday (and still pending insurance red tape). None the less, the MRI confirmed that there was good shrinkage of the tumors during my first 4 rounds of chemotherapy. Then my oncologist surprised us with a turn of events and had arranged for us to meet with the "Director of Interventional Radiology" immediately afterwards.....as our next step along this process. He is considered "THE Doctor or Guru" and is the best specialist at what he does and fortunately he is at Northwestern....people come from all over the country to see him for the above procedure called TheraSphere.

Our meeting left me feeling grateful and even more hopeful. Despite his busy schedule they made an opening for me and scheduled an innovative procedure called a "TheraSphere" (see video above). It is a 2 phase procedure.

"TheraSphere is a relatively new targeted cancer therapy that consists of millions of tiny glass beads containing radioactive yttrium-90. The glass beads are delivered directly to the liver tumors. The doctor will inject TheraSphere into the hepatic artery of the liver through a small flexible catheter. The tiny radioactive glass beads flow directly into the liver tumor via its own blood vessels of the tumor. The radiation destroys the tumor cells from within the tumor, with minimal impact to the surrounding healthy liver tissue. The radioactive microspheres will continue to emit radiation over the course of several weeks. The procedure has common side effects, including fatigue, pain and nausea for about a week."

The first phase was scheduled two days after our initial meeting....on Thursday. After multiple comments were made regarding my rare cancer, I realized I was considered a unique case (ie: rare cancer, young healthy patient), especially after his head nurse said "we will move mountains for you to get squeezed into his busy schedule".

Grateful for doors opening up so quickly and for having the ability to have this procedure/surgery....just tired of hospitals! :) Felt so hopeful after leaving the hospital on Tuesday.


Last Thursday's Appointment:
This was my first day in what they called a "Pre-Planning Angiogram" (ie: "road map" to help plan for the TheraSphere procedure).

In a nutshell, I was given pain medication and sedated and then a catheter was guided through the femoral (groin) artery and into the hepatic artery of my liver. Three important steps were then performed:

1. Mapping the arteries of the liver to identify any blood vessels that may be feeding the tumors.
2. Possible insertion of coils into small blood vessels going to my stomach or intestines. This prevents any radioactive microspheres from traveling to my stomach and causing an ulcer.
   
3. Finally, diagnostic imaging spheres (or what I call fake beads) are injected into the liver. These spheres consists of harmless proteins that are similar in size to the TheraSphere yttrium-90 microspheres and will provide the doctor information regarding blood flow within the liver. By using these diagnostic spheres, the doctor is able to ensure that the TheraSphere will stay in the liver and does not travel to other organs that could cause side effects.

After the test, the tube in the groin was removed and then I was moved up to the nuclear medicine floor while I was scanned and observed....making sure the "diagnostic spheres" were staying where they needed to be. It was an extremely long day.  The procedure took 4.5 hours and then I had to remain FLAT and couldn't move my legs for 6 hours (to allow the groin puncture site to seal up). It was brutal and I threw up in recovery due to the sedation.  I had a difficult time walking that night and part of the next day.

Regardless, prior to leaving we meet with the doctor again....and he said he would see me on Tuesday for Phase 2 of the procedure (kind of interesting considering the interns all said that patients typically return in two weeks). He confirmed he would be able to reach all of my liver tumors....so that was excellent and reassuring news.   I do have masses in my gallbladder (next to liver), but for my own protection and other medical reasons that I won't bore you with right now, he wants to do a separate procedure for just my gall bladder in about a month after I have fully recovered from this (or possibly even have it removed at a later point).

Anyway...for any of you Grey's Anatomy lovers, I thought you would be happy to know my doctor is known as "Dr. McDreamy" here at Northwestern - by all the young nurses on the floor. He is indeed easy on the eyes and it makes my visits much more interesting! :)

So....tomorrow (Tuesday) is the big day! I have to arrive at 6:30am for the procedure. It should be similar to last Thursday's pre-mapping day, but this time around with the radioactive beads. Here's to the beads destroying and zapping all of my tumor cells! Feeling hopeful and full of optimism.



Peace, Love and Miracles!
dawnbfox@hotmail.com

Brotherly love...what keeps me believing

Last week in a nutshell:

Monday:  CT-Scan
Tuesday:  Visit with doctor/CT-Scan results

• I was initially scheduled to start round 7 of my chemotherapy treatments, but due to the CT-Scan results we canceled my 7th and 8th round.  My scan showed the masses were stable but they didn't decrease in size.  My oncologist reminded me that overall I "had a great response to the chemo rounds".  The chemo had done its job and now it was time to move forward and see what the next step is.  Emotionally, I was a bit torn....the past round was extremely difficult for me physically and at one point I even conveyed to Kevin and my parents that I couldn't do this anymore.  It was certainly taking a toll on my body.  Yet at the same time, I had mentally prepared myself that I was going to begin another round that day....simply because I wanted to do anything and everything to shrink the tumors.  So....in the end, I was reminded we are ready to move on to the next step.  I have to believe it was a blessing in disguise.  I certainly enjoyed not feeling sick this past week due to the side-effects of chemo.  None the less, I have been a bit emotional and fearful of the unknown.  My oncologist ordered additional scans so we could make the best decision moving forward.

Thursday: MRI and a PET-Scan were scheduled

• Upon arriving at the hospital I found out the PET-Scan was delayed due to insurance red-tape.  The cost of the scan is $10,000 and the insurance company had to have a doctor/insurance peer-to-peer review due to the cost and the insurance company needed to make sure it was necessary since I have had countless scans in the last four months.  In the end, it was rescheduled for this coming Wednesday.  They did however approve my MRI for later that afternoon, so we stuck around the city for 4 hours (took a nap, tried to relax and enjoyed lunch at our favorite restaurant in the city).

I fortunately have excellent health care coverage, but it is so frustrating that people have to deal with insurance companies...especially when you are talking about serious health issues.  I feel for the people that do not have any insurance....it is truly a shame and heart-wrenching that the U.S. has such awful health care coverage (compared to other countries).  In my eyes, everyone should be entitled to health coverage.

This week in a nutshell:

Another week of trips to the hospital.  We will get the results from my MRI on Tuesday....Wednesday will be the PET-Scan...Thursday I should get those results...and then Friday I will meet with my other oncologist at the University of Chicago for his advice on my next step.  We are also trying to move up my appointments to see some of the top specialists for neuroendocrine cancer at Dana Farber Cancer Institute in Boston and MD Anderson in Houston.

Thank you for the continued prayers, thoughtful emails/cards, uplifting gifts, and the weekly meal deliveries from some amazing friends....I am truly grateful.

Looking forward to my parents arriving this evening...something about their presence makes the stress disappear and makes me feel more at ease.  So blessed to have them in my life.

Brotherly Love...What Keeps Me Believing

Peace, Love and Miracles

dawnbfox@hotmail.com